What Women Dont Understand About Guys

Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a long-time ,intimate and mutually ful-filling relationship with a guy. Of course, the guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely dif-ficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the word relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger asks a woman named Elaine out to a movie. She accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and soon neither is seeing anybody else.

Then one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine. She says:"Do you realize that we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

Silence fills the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself:"Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he feels confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation."

And Roger is thinking:"Gosh, Six months."

And Elaine is thinking:"But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?"

And Roger is thinking:"So that means it was 's uary when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which me check the ! I am way overdue for an oil change here."

And Elaine is thinking:"He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship--more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he senses m reservations. Yes, that's it. He's afraid of being rejected."

And Roger is thinking:"I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say--it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on cold weather this time. It's 30 degrees Celsius out, and this thingis shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent, thieving cretins six hundred dollars!"

And Elaine is thinking:"He's angry, and I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I feel sl guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure."

And Roger is thinking:"They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's what they're gonna say!"

And Elaine is thinking:"Maybe I'm too idealistic, waiting for a knigt to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting mext to a perfectly good person who's in pain because of my self-centered, school-girl fantasy."

And Roger is thinking:"Warranty? I'll give them a warranty!"

“Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine says, sobbong. "I mean, I know there's no knight and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?"says Roger.

"you think I'm fool,don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" Roger says, glad to know the correct answer.

"It's just that...I need some tine," Elaine says.

There is a 15-second pause while Roger tries to come up with a safe response. "yes," he finally says.

Elaine,deeply moved,touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feal that way?"

"What way?" says Roger.

"Thaat way about time," Elaine says.

"Oh," says Roger."Yes."

Elaine gazes deeply into his eyse, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she says, "Thank you, Roger."

"Thank you," he responds.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted soul weeping until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, He opens a bag of chips, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czech players he never heaed of. A tiny voice in his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he figures it's better not to think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closes friend, and they will talk for six straight hours. In painstaking detail they will analyze everything she said and everything he said. They will continue to discuss this subject for weeks, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, playing racpuetball one day with a friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving and ask,"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're takling about different planets in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger because the sum total of his thinking about relationships is Huh?"

He has a guy brain, basically an analytical, problem-solving organ. It's not comfortable with nebulous concepts such as love, need and trust. If the guy brain has to form an opinion about another person, it prefers to base it on facts, such as his or her earned-run average at baseball.

Women have trouble accepting this, They are convinced that guys must spend a certain amount of tine thinking about the relationship. How could a guy see another human being day after day, night afternight, and not be thinking about the relationship? This is what women figure.

They are wrong. A guy in a relationship is like an ant standing on top of a truck tire. The ant is aware that something large is there, but he cannot even dimly comprehend what it is. And if the truck starts moving and the tire starts to roll, the ant will sense that something important is happening, but right up until he rolls around to the bottom and is squashed, the only thought in his tiny brain will be Huh?

Thus the No.1 tip for women to remember is never assume the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle referencesto it, such as:

·"Roger, would you mind passing me the suger, inasmuch as we have a relationship?"

·"Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship! You and I do, I mean."

·"Good news, Roger! The doctor says we're going to have our fourth child--another indication that we have a relationship!"

·"Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we have only a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."

Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Someday he might even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and out of the blue he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have, have, have, have this thing."

And he will sincerely mean it.

女人對男人有哪些不瞭解

柳青譯

與許多女人的信念相反，要和一個男人建立起一種長期的、親密的、彼此滿意的關係並不難。當然那傢伙必須是個懂得主人心意的拉布拉多狗。與男人相處，要做到這點是極其困難的。這是因為男人們沒有真正理解女人所說的親密關係這個詞的含義。

比如，一個叫羅傑的小夥子邀請一位叫伊萊恩的姑娘一起去看電影。她接受了邀請。他們共民度過了一段快樂時光。幾天後的一個晚上，他請她去吃晚飯，他們又玩得很開心。他們繼續定期約會，而且很快雙方都不再同別的人約會了。

然後有一個晚上，當他們驅車回家時，一個念頭出現在伊萊恩的腦海中。她說：“你有沒有意識到我們在一起已經整整６個月了？”

車裡寂靜無聲。對伊萊恩來說，這寂靜顯得顯得是那麼難受。她自忖：“天哪，我這麼說不知會不會讓他討厭。或許他感到被我們之間的關係束縛了手腳。或許他以為我試圖施加某種責任給他。”

羅傑在想：“啊，有６個月了。”

伊萊恩想：“不過話又說回來了，我也拿不準自己是否也需要這麼一種關係。我們這是在走向婚姻嗎？走向有孩子的生活嗎？我們要終生廝守在一起嗎？我為應該承擔的義務做好準備了嗎？我是否真正瞭解這個男人了呢？”

羅傑想的卻是：“那麼這就意味著……讓步想想，我們是二月份開始出去約會的，正是我從汽車商那兒買了車以後的事情。這意味著……讓看看里程錶……哇！我已經開過了這裡換汽油的地方了。”

伊萊恩在想：“他心煩意亂的，我從他臉上能看出來。或許我把這件事完全理解錯了。也許他要更進上步的關係——更加親密，更多承諾。是的，一定是這樣的。他只是擔心被拒絕。”

羅傑正在想的是：“我得讓他們再檢查一下變速器。我才不在乎那些白痴會說些什麼…——它換檔時就是不對勁兒。這次他們最好別怪罪於天氣的寒冷。個面有攝氏３０度，而這車換檔時就像一輛運垃圾的卡車，我還為此付了六百塊錢給那些無能的、只知把手伸到別人腰包裡掏錢的笨蛋。”

伊萊恩仍在想：“他生氣了。這不能怪他。換了我也會生氣的。我真感到內疚，會讓他這樣。但我沒法不這樣想，我只是拿不定主意。”

羅傑想的卻是：“他們可能會說這車只有９０天的保用期。他們肯定會這麼說。”

伊萊恩想：“或許我太理想化了，竟幻想會有騎著白馬的騎士翩然而至，而此時坐在身邊的一位蠻不錯的人卻因為我自私的、女學生氣十足的幻想而感到苦惱。”

羅傑想：“什麼保用期？我會給他們一個正當理由的。”

“羅傑，”伊萊恩大聲說。

“什麼”羅傑答道。

“我真是個傻瓜，”伊萊恩邊立邊抽泣。“我是說，我知道根本沒什麼騎士，也不會有什麼馬的。”

“沒有馬？”羅傑不解地問道。

“你認為我很傻，對嗎？”伊萊恩問道。

羅傑答道：“沒有！”他很高興總算知道正確的答案。

伊萊恩說：“這只是因為……我需要一些時間。”

出現了十五秒鐘的沉寂，而羅傑正在搜腸刮肚想找出一個妥貼的回答。“是的，”他最終這麼答道。

伊萊轉被深深地感動了。她撫摸著他的手說，“哦，羅傑，你真那樣認為嗎？”

“哪樣？”

“關於時間的事？”

羅傑說，“是的。”

伊萊恩深情地凝視著他的雙眼，而這使他變得十分緊張，不知她接著又要說些什麼，尤其是如果她要談到什麼馬的話。最後她說：“謝謝你，羅傑。”

他回答道：“該謝謝你才是。”

然後他送她回家。她躺在床上，一個人思來想去，流淚到天明。而羅傑一回到住處就開了包炸薯條，開啟電視機，並很快就專注地看起了兩個他從未聽說過的捷克選手間的一場重播的網球賽來了。他頭腦中有個細弱的聲音告訴他剛剛在車裡發生了什麼重要的事情，但他認為最好是不去想它。

第二天，伊萊恩會叫上她最好的朋友邊疆談上六個小時。她們會費盡心思詳詳細細地分析她說的每一句話與他說的每句話。她們會就這個話題持續討論幾個星期，從來得不出什麼具體的結論，可也樂此不疲。

同時，羅傑某天花板在同他與伊萊恩的一個朋友打壁球時，會在發球前停頓一下，問道：“諾姆，伊萊恩有匹馬嗎？”

在此我們討論的不是晃同的波長問題。我們討論的是在完全不同的太陽系裡不同的行星問題。伊萊恩之所以無法同羅傑進行富有意義的溝通，是因為輪子對親密的所有隻是一聲表示尺異的“啊？”

他有男人的頭腦，基本上是個用來分析問題、解決問題的器官。對那些模糊不清的概念，諸如愛、需要與信任，則感受到無所適從。如果這個男人的頭腦需要對另一個人形成某種看法，它更喜歡依據事實，比如說他或她打棒球時的手責任得分率。

要女人們接受這一點很難。她們總認為男人們必然會花一定時間來考慮彼此間的關係。一個人怎麼可能日復一日、夜復一夜地與另一個人約會而不考慮這層關係呢？這是女人們的想象。

她們錯了。處於這層關係中的男人就像一隻站在一個卡車輪胎頂部的螞蟻。這隻螞蟻能感受到某種龐然大物的存在，卻根本不明白那是什麼東西。而如果卡車開始執行，輪胎開始滾動時，這隻螞蟻能意識到某件大事正在發生，但直至它被轉到底下並被輾碎，它那小腦瓜裡的唯一想法只是迷惑不解的“咦？”

因此要女人們記住的第一號忠告是千萬不要想當然地認為男人懂得你與他有某種親密關係，你得不斷地做些微妙的提示以便這想法根植於他的頭腦中。比如：

·“羅傑，既然我們是一家人，可不可以將糖遞給我？”

·“醒醒，羅傑。書房裡有個小偷，而我倆又是一家人。我是說，我們倆一起行動。”

·“好訊息，羅傑。醫生說我們將有第四個孩子了——這再一次證明了我們的親密關係。”

·“羅傑，既然飛機就要墜毀了，我們只有一分鐘時間可活，我想讓你知道我們共同度過的53年的婚姻生活美滿極了，這顯然已構成了一種親密的關係。”

女人們啊，永遠不要鬆勁，要不懈地努力強化這個概念，最終它會開始進入男人的頭腦。總有一天他或許會自己開始想這個問題。他會與另一些男人談到女人，並會出乎意料地說：“伊萊恩和我，我們……嗯，我們有……啊，我們有這麼一種關係。”

而他會是發自內心這麼認為的。